How to be rude without even trying

I initiated a recent conversation with a young person, let’s call it training, when he left his car at the gas pump while he went inside not to pay for gas, but to just pick up some Twinkies, beef jerky and beer. My helpful observation prompted him to defend his rudeness with, “I had no idea this was going to inconvenience anyone else.” I then pointed out one of the key laws of physics that states that no two objects can occupy the same place at the same time, i.e. a busy gas pump. The frightening part of the dialogue was that this young person was not being malicious or mean. He truly did not realize how rude his behavior was. (Yes, I want to talk with his parents, too.)

 So I made a few observations and compiled a list of how to be rude. Please feel free to add your own.

  1. Never use your directionals while driving.
    Note: I believe there are many used cars that feature “Directionals, never used! Like new!”
  2. Don’t bother to learn the words “please” and “thank you.”
  3. Walk away when people are talking to you.
  4. Text when people are talking to you. At parties.
  5. Weave madly in and out of traffic to gain those two extra car lengths. This is especially helpful if you are on a motorcycle.
  6. Please use your cell phone while you are at the cash register. Extra points if you are the cashier.
  7. Take 32 items to the express lane. Pretend you don’t know how to count. Stare in wonderment at the people around you with 3 and 4 items.
  8. Say thank you only with an automated sign as people leave your business.
  9. Ask customers in your place of business who they are going to vote for. Tell them they are wrong.


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